I don't know if he is just a normal kid having a tough time growing up or if he has special needs that makes him very creative but impedes normal behaviour
I have a long litany of complaints about him. it will sound like I am finding fault with everything he does. maybe I am
It started last wed
1. I found his Monday and Wed lunch still inside his school bag. this despite us discussing this the week before and agreeing that he should check his bag and return his lunch boxes. He is also regularly wasting food.
2. while clearing the papers in his bag he found his homework that he had done the day before but could not find because it was not in his file.
3. he sat watching TV picking at his food. when I said let's have a family dinner he got up to throw away his food and got so mad that I said maybe he was just eating to keep watching tv1. we got into a shouting match. then he agreed to things just to end the fight. cowardly.
4. then he told me got into trouble the week before for fooling around with a kid whose bat then hit another girl. and his knife incident got brought up
and turns out he signed his name that he instigated that boy to take out his knife despite knowing he should not have.
at a loss what to believe here. he is not the most trustworthy fellow unfortunately. now I'm inclined to believe the school because sorry i just cannot trust his version of things. and I'm sad about it. and that's making me police him more and more. and of course anyone policed more will be discovered lacking more. vicous cycle.
but I'm afraid if I let him go he will hit rock bottom. I don't know how to build trust between us again. I let him go first 6 months and he got himself into so much trouble. not doing work on time, no effort shown in lessons, distracted in school, failing tests cos he remembers them the night before. is this all just normal teenage behaviour? and he got a dick pic and showed it to a girl and got himself demerit points and a black name among his teachers. won't I worry. I let him go and this happened.
so I hold on tight.
try to help him
but... sigh. meditation worked a few times
but after that he stopped doing it properly and I felt he is doing it just to get it done as soon as he can
he gets every damn thing he wants. that may be my fault.
New shoes that he left behind in school
New headphones
New earphones
chance to go play whenever he wants
now permission to download a stupid new video game
5. so yes wed high drama. other things since then. thurs not much. Friday was good. he made cookies. we watched titanic as a family. I helped him organise his life on sat..he has 4 sports classes and 1 vocal class. he hardly has time to breathe. suddenly he started crying and he wouldn't say why. then asked him to eat. 430. said he would in 15 min. 445.5pm still not out.to me he just does not care about anything he says. he will say anything but won't mean a word. isn't that an awful thing to think about him. but see the pattern. then 520. vegetables not eaten. I had said we leave by 520. but he wasn't ready and didn't seem ready to be ready. when I sat down to talk to him he said okay ill get ready and stood up and knocked off rice grains from his dirty hands onto the floor. and I blew my top. coz I thought he was doing this to spite me . screamed at him. pinched him. he felt unfairly screamed at. seems he learnt this from saro and his parents. like real.
we kind of made up after that. Read a book to him and all. but man.
Sunday was better I thought. helped him get his files ready . asked him his plans several times. he filed. he planned. he stayed on course. he said he'd update me along the way but didn't. we went to see saros friend.alll good. then he wanted to go ay basketball
as usual I said OK.he said he'd call me when he reached so I'd know when his one hour of play time starts. of course he didn't call.
really how do you expect me to trust him.
so told him. he got all touchy about the trust thing. got his science done but stony towards me.
I have work to do.but believe meditation will help him. went in at 945.said let's meditate and go to sleep. he said he will sleep soon he will call me. I said are you sure you will.he got touchy. 1015 or so he came out said let's meditate. I said give me 5 min.1 minute later he said I'm quite tired can I go to sleep. how mad ill be. I came by 30 min earlier when he wouldn't have been too tired. he chased me away. I say give me 5 min more. he can't wait.
and I'm only doing this to help him. and then we start and he does stupid fast breathing instead of slow breathing
he goes on to next step before I'm done. days oh sorry didn't know we had to do it together. I just felt like a bloody used fool. got mad again. he burst into tears. says he can't do anything right. it's not that he can't do things right. he doesn't register things. all shallow level. and he said evertime we do meditation he feels he's on a test. which may be fair.
he also cried out that he keeps being rude without even meaning to keeps hurting me without meaning to. he sounded so lost.
i dunno. on the plus side he only downloaded the computer game and did not play it.
I am chasing on small things in the belief attention to small things will lead to attention to big things. but I could be wrong.
I need to breathe myself. I don't like the policing me. it sucks. I don't like this fault finding person I have become
so
need to recalibrate a bit
update
my dad's wise words come to mind
from confusion comes clarity.
and it doesn't matter where we are what what's is we are headed in the right direction.
writing in here made me think maybe he has ADHD. Read a bit talked to akshaya then pei yong... then last night and and akshaya talked too and he did an online version of the tear himself.
so yup. maybe just maybe he has adhd. possibly autism too. and we will learn to manage and cope
