a mother's worry

My children are both starring in a drama series on vasantham

 Got thru auditions and all

Am so happy for them

But also worried

Seems its a 25 episode series! And thats season 1. Planning for 4 seasons if seasom 1 takes off well. 

I'm concerned

Happy and proud of them of course 

But also niggling worries. More for aishu.  

What will fame do to them..not easy navigating fame

 

Must stay focussed and not fall back in dance or studies for her

Then. She is so young now, pretty, talented. Worried about folks targetting her in any way, maybe all unfounded but just worries lah

We all need to keep talking to her. Being there for her. 

Hope and pray all goes well. 

I do want the season to be successful.  But also, want her to remain focussed on studies and dance and be humble and safe and all

11 year old gems

Aishu still says the most insightful things beautifully 

1. The whole world is like a highschool drama. (That may have been me i don't know)

2. Am so glad im studying with haziqah. Studying with someone makes me feel like i must work hard so she does well. Alone i feel i must work hard so i do well. And then i think, what's the point.

We have a new murugan picture in our altar. 

3. I think pillayar is not very happy with murugan. Todau i could only look at murugan. 

Its ok pillayar wont mind, thambi thaanae

reflections on nprc

So two years ago akshaya and aishu submitted poems for nprc. Actually meant for akshaya coz she has memorized sonnet 18 anyway. Aishu wanted to also so we sent it in. Aishu got selected but not akshaya

Last year akshaya tried her luck for sending in her poem for the competition . Did not get selected. 

This year she tried for a third time. Specially wrote in to ask if a poem could be included, that got accepted, then she got selected and then she won! 

And this is like her first win ever. She's tried many times

 

Ashwin and she submitted for brown is redacted, he got selected. 

Aishu and she tried for nprc, aishu got selected and won 2nd prize

Then aishu got published this year

This is her prize this year. Am so happy for her. 

She read langston hughes kids who die with such depth of feeling. Clear winner. So moving.  Her answer was spot on too

Aishu read if and came in third. She did really well too. Competition was super tough

i suck

how

I am careful not to be too happy

But i wasnt careful enough about not just getting on with what i need to do and want to do. Self centred a bit

While my baby is feeling lonely and in pain 

Im not sure there is anything i can do

I feel the urge. To do something. Speak to a peer ask her to do more to be a friend. But i cant. 

I do think exercise will release dopamine that makes us happier. 

But problem solving may not work

Its not surprising she is lonely.  Jc is bustling with energy. She is alone. Seems she gets worried abd jealous when that kid speaks to others. Fear she would leave her. 

Friendship needs time and shared experiences to nurture. But she can't.  Physically can't.  Spare time is time to rest, recuperate. 

God made her like this.

With reason 

I can't figure it out of course 

Leaving the sorrow aside

Let's see. Everyone feels lonely at some point or the other in youth. Lonliness is not a permanant state.  

We need oneness with the world

Let's try meditation and exercise in the holidays. 

How to tell her. There are many brilliant people in the world who are lonely too. But they find pockets of friendship when they can. 

my astute daughter

Yesterday she was in tears

Friendship issues

Turned away by 4 friends in close succession 

First cried her heart out to her sister

Later quietly shared with me

Her oepning lines

Aatha i found out i have no real friends

I asked her how would you describe a real friend

And her answer hit me in the gut

"Someone who chooses me"

Its one of the most perfect ways of describing a friend

It's the reason i teared up when Amelia said she'd wait for me for recess my first day in Cedar

Then when i tried to explain the concept of inner circles and outer circles of contacts and friends

She got it in one second into my explanation... like an onion! 

I am blessed with her. 

Also realised that adolescence is indeed lonely

Akshaya told me she was so lonely in sec 1

And aishu shared thats why akshaya went into fan fiction then

Stupid coivd robbed her of that chance to make friends 

aishu's debate journey

What a ride

2

1.in late jan she was  Informed that she may be selected. And she wanted it so bad. Then was selected.

2. Went for training on 15thAuygust.  Loved it. Saw this small cute boy from bedok green and was wowed. 

3.got fi rst topic. Naatu patru.  learned they were against bedok green! Panic. Was to be 2nd speaker. Struggled with speech writing. Hand written. Too long. Exhausted. Wenw3t for pasta mania just the two of us, first of such special meals. 

Learned to type speech. Practised. Was the most outstanding of the three much to surprise of everyone ! Including herself and us. 

4. Had alt week training online. Dance piano drama thevaram all on hold. Life on hold!

5. Next topic. Meelum thanmai. Made 1st speaker. 2 speeches!  ( coz wowed in 1st round. Teacher said in confidence to me she is best speaker!) Thought kids dont have meelum thanmai. Worked thru that and made it the opening. Iyya gave idea about how vacccines work. Added that to last speech. Again she thrilled. Was best of the lot. Got special mention by judges. 

6. Next speech into quarterfinals! thought wont be first speaker. Thought its about taking turns! But uh uh. All liked current format. Wrote speech. About thondooloyam. Was tired of memorising yet a other speech like 3 days after last one! 

 Rajini to the rescue with his ettu ettu song and happening poetic ending for 2nd speech. But went on holiday. No mood to practise. Most stressed. Poor thing. Did well despite exhaustion but not as well as could have. Had impromptu as well. On why girls should not do ns!!!handled it as well as she could. Slept 4 hours that aft. 

7. Now onto semifinals! Samooga udangagal. Fired up. 1st speech excellent..but got ready late by teachers.  2nd speech super late. Still rocked it! Worked in a planned rebuttal for confidence.  Killed it in impromptu! Was best experience of debating yet! Parents could watch this time. And they got to observe other debating pair too.

Judges said in private to me it was a tough choice between aishu and lakshanya for best speaker! Thrilled.  Pity they didnt award in earlier rounds. Would have got it then.

Along the way fell sick three times. Headache for 2nd round. Used time to rest and memorise speech

Violently Upset stomach 2 days before semi finals

Upset stomach again the week before the finals

Had dance exam day after semifinals

 But didnt do as well as hoped. Coz not supoerwoman lah

8. Onto the finals. Tough topic. Panam and manathalavil ilamai! Vetti. But got speech sorted early, both. Practiced and polished. Absolutely slayed it in finals. Got cheers and claps. Sang acted spoke everything.  Impromptu was a killer though.  Vegetarianism vs non veg. Didnt get the words.  Gave away her cards . But still did it. Recalling neelum thanmai speech without realising it! Didnt win. Fought disappointment.  

First time worked this hard for anything and did not win. Took 2 days to recover. So many self reflective qn. Could she have done better. Had she let her side down. How come they lost. Heartbreaking.  But nec process to go thru in life. But god was listening.  She wanted most of all to be in the papers and then on a plaque in school. God made it happen just for her.even if they didnt win the papers printed both finalists throughout! She skipped to school today! 

Thank you god for this wonderdul experience.  

Humbling. Electrifying. Educating. 

I was humbled by teachers level of hard work.  We had to work together as a team to prep the speeches the girls. I was humbled by their brilliant structure for semifinals. 

The thrill..i think we never felt as happy as we did after semifinals! Felt the elusive chanpionship within reach, despite out shaky start. 

And Tamil! Love of language has indeed grown.  So many songs introduced to aishu now. And seiyuls, thirukural moothurai. Beautiful indeed. And i discovered love for tamil, flair for tamil, speech writing skills in me i didnt know i had ! Saro teachers all surprised at thr scripts i wrote! 

Thank  you thank you thank you god! 

Malar and Mira, and Devi ans Kaavya came to support Aishu, icing in the cake truly