what do I do

what's the point of doing yoga and praying and all if I lash out at my son all the time

he should be scared of me

I've yelled at him quite badly on Thursday night and sat morning. 

next time he bugs me

I must take a deep breath and compose myself.

thank god for ashwin first 

then step out of me and tell him what he needs to do firmly 

lead by example. 

now he will only learn to yell when things don't go right. 

that has to change. 

ashwin strikes

1. do you want some juice? I got to get rid of some juice first. eww. 

2..we were talking about spices and colonialism and he suddenly said, so because of vegetables countries went to war? another reason not to like or eat vegetables 

win lah!

Mother's day 2023

mothers day reflections

not sure where to start 

kids gave me cute presents 

spent much needed time with saronic snatcheslost myself in a boom which was great

but I'm also losing my patience with akshaya 

worrying about spoiling her

and her not sleeping 

she's a sensitive soul

and by taking such care of her 

not sure if I'm helping or hurting her

making her dependent? 

too entitled? 

and i get fed up when she finds new things to worry about each night.  

not very fair of me I guess 

I feel like I should devote more time to her exclusively 

but also am worried about work 

and ashwin

and aishu 

so

I dunno

also 

ashwin thoughts

A few weeks ago we were at the newly consecrated Mariamman Temple at South Bridge Road. 

After praying, as we were walking out, we looked up at the ceiling and saw the beautiful paintings of the 9 Avatharams of Vishnu. 

Ever the teacher, I tried to test my son, asking him " Do you recognise these paintings? "

Casual as ever he said, " Yes, that's you when you are angry sometimes, and that's also you other times", pointing at the images of Parusuram, and Narashiman! (two of Vishnu's more fierce avatharams he took, to destroy evil). 

Gobsmacked, I could only laugh, and reflect on his words..a reminder to me this PSLE year to be less scary and more kind, like Lord Ram or Krishna perhaps haha.

And... of course he recognises the Avatharams. Instead of me teaching him, he ended up teaching me...