Letting GO

Ah - yesterday, I realized, how difficult it's going to be to let my daughter go
I had planned a fun simple shopping trip for saro baby and me
to my consternation, my daughter didn't want to come with us!
She wanted to stay home with auntie and cook while her mum and dad went shopping!
I could not believe it.
we asked her several times and she was sure she wanted to stay behind
so we went without her - heavy of heart mind you! I hadn't expected this so soon!
turns out 10 min after we left she started crying for us! GRRRRR
how can I make a 2 year old responsible for her choices! so next time, if I decide or plan something, I;m going to go through with it, because, you know what, sometimes it's true that mummy knows best!
that said, it was a good jolt for me, to realize how difficult I was finding it to let my darling go. I almost don't want her to grow up! that's terrible isn't it? when does that magic moment come when they want to do their own thing that doesn't involve us, and we actually give them our blessings?!?!?!?!?!
no wonder my dad asked me when I was 13 why I wanted to grow up so fast all because I wanted to go to my friend's place to play badminton!
how did they find it in them to let me go for overseas trips?
I can imagine my dad worrying about me the three weeks I was away in Nepal - not wanting to stand in my way but worrying anyway
I can imagine my mum crying when she realized I was a little lost in Malaysia by myself at the ripe age of 21!
Parents never cease to worry do they! I pride myself on being all so cool, but I can't either. parenthood opens doors to the self as much as to the world - I can only pray :-) for guidance to lead and guide and not stand in the way, to leap in and defend when necessary and to stand up for what I believe is right, and hope that it is right -just always always pray before anything - a few minutes of silence to hear the voice and direction of God will help us tremendously - if I had paused to listen yesterday, I would have taken her with me, but leaving her behind, although it made us both miserable, has given me this much food for thought! so as always, no regrets in life. just onwards, forward, wtih love!