Tuesday, January 9, 2024

what do I do - depression diaries 5

just got off the phone with her 
said she felt suicidal several times I'm school 
this is really hard to hear after a long and overwhelming day for me
I had thought no news is good news but no .. news is what I want 
I'm near tears myself and exhausted 

don't know what to say or feel
I took a deep breath and started slow 

said she doesn't want to go to school 
why
don't know
so I tried a bunch of possible reasons.helpful. but limited by my ability to guess. she needs a full time therapist by her side. a human diary who can dole out helpful empathetic advice
maybe a mother who doesn't work 

I dunno, I went home really down but she was happier so maybe that works, chatting with her patiently on my way home so she is happier by evening. 

I've so much to learn 

and I'm so torn

I'm wondering if I should ask for a sabbatical.  
work is crazy though. so much to do and such a precious fragile team. py just recovering from long covid and depression, mandy's dad is in hospital and I'm dealing with this. other two are brand new. 

how????

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